


"The Risian Ribald," a.k.a. "Purple Prose from Cell Block 74"

by CyberMum, DeltaS, fmlyhntr, jamelia116, juli17ptf, Penny_P, Rocky_T, Voyager_Virtual Season_7-5_Staff_Writers (jamelia116), WriterJC



Series: Voyager Virtual Season 7.5 [35]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Humor, Prison, Purple Prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-09 15:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20997266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyberMum/pseuds/CyberMum, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeltaS/pseuds/DeltaS, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmlyhntr/pseuds/fmlyhntr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamelia116/pseuds/jamelia116, https://archiveofourown.org/users/juli17ptf/pseuds/juli17ptf, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penny_P/pseuds/Penny_P, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocky_T/pseuds/Rocky_T, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamelia116/pseuds/Voyager_Virtual%20Season_7-5_Staff_Writers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterJC/pseuds/WriterJC
Summary: The title says it all: purple prose, courtesy of the Risian Ribald, as enjoyed by a pair of Ferengi brothers we've met before who are currently living on Cell Block 74.This episode takes place during the fall of 2380 (since Tom Paris mentions this issue of The Risian Ribald has been published by the end of September of that year in "Reconstruction Blues").





	1. "The Risian Ribald"

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We don't own Star Trek: Voyager or any part of the franchise. Paramount/Viacom/CBS controls it all. 
> 
> We're not sure they'd want to claim "The Risian Ribald" anyway, but it sure was fun to write.

**Purple Prose from Cellblock 74  
(A.K.A. "The Risian Ribald")**

**by Christina and the VS 7.5 writing staff**

* * *

##  **EXTRA!!!!!!**

* * *

  
Nunk stood patiently in the mail call line, knowing that to do anything else would invite snide comments--and he was tired of the cracks the other prisoners continuously made about his lobes. He suspected that was why his brother was always indisposed at mail call.  
  
"Nunk or Blont, you have mail."  
  
Nunk stepped forward and took the package. The Klingon guard snarled something at another prisoner. "From your mother," he said. "Now why would she be sending you such dishonorable material? The warden has okayed it."  
  
Nunk wondered why Blont wanted to read about _Voyager_. Nunk preferred to forget about that ship--but Blont continued to scheme.  
  
Blont was in their cell when he arrived. "It's been three months and I asked Moogie to send this to us every month." He snatched the PADD. "Well, well..._Now_ she sends us the Anniversary Issue."  
  
"Blont, why do this to us. The hoo-mans have a saying about putting chemicals in open wounds..."  
  
Blont glared at him, and Nunk sat down on his bunk without another word.  
  
Blont grinned. "I was correct, Starfleet has no intention of sharing _Voyager's_ technology with anyone. But, little brother, it's not all in vain." Blont's wicked grin grew. "I have a plan..."  
  
Nunk shivered. Perhaps he should ask the warden for another cell. "Yes, Brother."  
  
"But, right now, _Voyager_. Get over here and read this to me. This could be very interesting."  
  
Nunk obediently stood and moved closer to take the PADD. "The Risian Ribald? Wouldn't the Federation Daily tell us more?" He didn't duck fast enough. Blont's fist landed on his right lobe. Nunk didn't dare rub it, fearful Blont would strike again. He wished he'd remained a courier for their uncle. At least that job wouldn't have landed him in jail--or at least it was less likely it would have.  
  
He started to read. 

* * *

> **Delta Quadrant Special Report:**
> 
> **Murder, Mayhem and Nanoprobes**  
by Harmon Brando  
  
A tale of intriguing galactic consequences that Starfleet would prefer remained locked behind the screen of a heroic epic myth.  
  
For eight years Voyager was supposedly lost in the Delta Quadrant. And through apparent use of alien technology, including the Borg transwarp, the ship and her crew miraculously found a way home.  
  
What better story for Starfleet to cover up--it's own illegal research in technology that has been banned at home. Is it more than coincidence that Voyager's return came just months before Starfleet announced they are building three--not one--but three ships capable of transwarp speeds?  
  
Starfleet scientists have been trying to achieve transwarp for years. They believed such technology was vital in their campaign to destroy the Borg. Voyager wasn't lost, but misplaced by this Federation obsession. Unnamed sources have confirmed that nine years ago Voyager had been fitted with what's called a transwarp coil, to take them into Borg Space.  
  
And here's another coincidence. At the moment of her arrival in the Delta Quadrant, the ship's transwarp coil *broke*. It took Voyager eight years to get home. Eight years of searching for a way home, Starfleet says. Yet the transwarp wasn't repaired until AFTER Voyager found the Borg.  
  
And Voyager had nanoprobes designed specifically to mutilate and destroy the Borg drones forever. Bioweapons have been banned by the Federation, and rightly so, yet Voyager had them.  
  
Starfleet is very proud of their *new* Borg technology, but not so proud of how it was REALLY created.  
  
What did Starfleet do that they don't want people to know the truth?  
  
In yet another coincidence, Voyager's entire medical staff and many of their senior scientists *died* early in the voyage. The very people who would have raised the ethical considerations regarding the use such a bioweapon.  
  
A voyage of many coincidences or a voyage of intrigue and secrecy? The cover mission--to capture a renegade Maquis cell in the Badlands--a long way from the Delta Quadrant. Yet on Voyager's return, instead of prosecuting the Maquis, they were all pardoned. Another sham in the torrid tale of lies and deceit.  
  
The Borg are amoral--and to defeat them, Starfleet chose to become like them. What's to stop them from continuing along this dark path?

* * *

  
"I knew there had to be another reason for our illegal imprisonment in the middle of nowhere. We knew the truth," Blont said with a satisfactory smile.

  
"Proxima prison isn't exactly in the middle..." Nunk didn't finish his sentence. Blont was considered by the family to have excellent lobes for business, and Nunk wasn't about to contradict his family--at least out loud.  
  
"Read the next one," Blont said as he leaned back on his bunk and crossed his arms.  
  
"I have work detail in ten minutes," Nunk said. Blont frowned. Nunk didn't dare say anything else. Blont had not approved of Nunk volunteering--it was not good business, the pay wasn't enough. Nunk had his eye on early parole, not that he'd told Blont that. He saw it as a chance to gain his independence from his brother.  
  
"Read on," Blont snarled.  
  
Nunk obediently went to the next article, and grinned. "Ooooo. Look at those fingers." Blont grabbed the PADD  
  
"Look at the ridges. I do like my women to have ridges. She's only half Klingon. Do you think she's anything like full-blooded Klingon females?" Blont tossed the PADD back to Nunk. "I've heard about this triangle. Vulcans...Bah."

* * *

> **Uncovered:** **Triangle of Passion**
> 
> by Jules Aveenez  
  
As we approach the one year anniversary of Voyager's return to the Alpha quadrant, one has to wonder if there are any stories left to tell. The recent holonovel now occupying the top of the bestseller lists, "The Pilot and the Engineer: A Delta Quadrant Love Affair," is the "unofficial" account of the steamy romance between roguish ex-con turned Starfleet hero Tom Paris and tempestuous half-Klingon Maquis-turned-Starfleet-miracle-worker engineer B'Elanna Torres. In that popular account, passion and temper flare in equal proportion as the two ardent lovers struggle to find their destiny amid the wonders and dangers of the Delta quadrant.
> 
> We know how the story ended--in wedded bliss and a now two-year-old daughter, who rumor has it, incorporates the exotic beauty of her mother and the easy charm of her father. But how did it really begin?
> 
>   
According to the celebrated holonovel, it was the steady and persistent wooing of the hotshot pilot that eventually won over the reluctant engineer. However this intrepid reporter has uncovered additional information that suggests the torrid romance was actually set in motion by a single incident, and by passions born of raging hormones, secret desires, and a mysterious "fever." And it involved not only Paris and Torres but a third member of Voyager's stalwart crew--yes, a veritable **TRIANGLE OF PASSION**.  
  
The stardate was 50537.2, the setting a planet deep in the Delta Quadrant called Sikari, the mission to locate the mineral galacite in a cave system deep below the planet's surface. Another routine mission according to the official ship's log, but we know that official logs never tell the whole story, or even the best parts of it. Other sources indicate it was a mission gone awry, and it is the medical logs of the ship's loquacious holographic doctor--recently obtained by this determined reporter--that give tantalizing glimpses of what really happened during that "routine" mission. To quote:  
  
"Mister Neelix has fully recovered from his injury sustained in a fall during the away mission on Sikari. But no sooner did I release him from Sickbay than Commander Tuvok called to inform me that three more patients were beaming up from the planet. That old adage--a doctor's work is never done--is so true. I successfully treated Lieutenant Torres' fever, which has now abated. Her serotonin levels are near normal again, and there should be no lasting effects from her experience, other than a slight memory loss due to the fever and her extremely high metabolic rate. And perhaps some embarrassment from the memories she does retain.  
  
"Lieutenant Paris sustained only minor lacerations and bruises, and I released him, though he seemed reluctant to leave Lieutenant Torres. However, his baleful glares at Ensign Vorik were disrupting my concentration--so I threw him out.  
  
"As for the instigator, he sustained various bruises, three broken ribs and a moderate concussion. Ensign Vorik will fully recover, though the best news is that his serotonin level has naturally returned to the minimal level typical of Vulcans. It appears the physical...altercation has cured his condition. I will keep the ensign here overnight for observation, and release him tomorrow.  
  
"Meanwhile, I can finally get back to work on penning my latest opera, now that all is back to normal. I'm extremely grateful this only happens once every seven years."  
  
Once every seven years? That sounds familiar, does it not? Especially when you combine the phrase "every seven years" with the word "Vulcan." And when you consider the following medical log excerpt, recorded just hours before the Sikari mission began:  
  
"I have repaired Ensign Vorik's dislocated jaw. Considering the pinpoint accuracy of Lieutenant Torres's right hook, he's lucky it wasn't broken. Regarding the ensign's underlying, uh...condition, I have little experience in that area. I have administered medication to regulate his serotonin levels, which will hopefully correct the chemical imbalance. According to Commander Tuvok, intense meditation is one method of dealing with the ensign's condition. We certainly can't return to Vulcan, and allowing the ensign to approach any more unsuspecting officers isn't an option. In the meantime, I am reviewing all medical records dealing with this condition in the hope of finding other answers should the meditation be insufficient to overcome the ensign's problem."  
  
Was Ensign Vorik simply having a very bad day? Or, dare we utter the obvious words that by now are humming in our brains...Pon Farr? Yes, that secret "condition," that Vulcan mating urge, which strikes every seven years. Though little is known about its biochemical nature due to those spoilsport Vulcans, perhaps we now know one more fact about the notorious Pon Farr--IT'S CONTAGIOUS!  
  
After all, can it be a coincidence that after an altercation with Ensign Vorik in his "condition," Lieutenant Torres suddenly developed an unexplained "fever"? That they both had highly elevated serotonin levels? And consider the doctor's concern that Ensign Vorik not approach any other unsuspecting officers. Can there be any doubt that Ensign Vorik tried to initiate Pon Farr--oh, please, can we just call that Vulcan for "incredible, mind-blowing(literally)sex"?--with Lieutenant Torres, who rejected him but soon found herself infected by the same desperate urge to mate? And that the object of her affection was none other than the apparently irresistible Lieutenant Paris?  
  
This principled reporter is truly loath to spread unsubstantiated rumors, so I contacted several sources who spoke with me on the condition of anonymity. Said one source, "When Neelix was injured, the bridge received an urgent call from Lieutenant Paris. It's rumored that one of the things he said was that Lieutenant Torres had bitten him."  
  
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the more unusual mating customs in the galaxy, Klingons indicate their attraction and initiate sexual relations by biting each other on the cheek. Lieutenant Torres obviously showed no hesitation in marking her man, and we can all guess what followed in those dark, secluded caves. What red-blooded human male would refuse such an offer!  
  
But there is still more to tell! This astute reporter initially assumed that the physical altercation on Sikari took place between Ensign Vorik and Lieutenant Paris, both fighting for the right to mate (or in the case of Paris, mate again) with the lusty half-Klingon engineer. But another source had this to say:  
  
"It was all very hush-hush after the incident on Sakari, but word spread that a Klingon really can beat up a Vulcan."  
  
At the very least, it appears a half-Klingon female in a mating frenzy can! And hold the shuttle just a minute here!! One now wonders, why was Lieutenant Torres fighting Ensign Vorik? Could it possibly be that the ensign, rejected by his first choice, transferred his affections to another...to one Lieutenant Paris? Since Vulcans fight for the right to mate, it is the logical conclusion. Though Lieutenant Torres was the original object of Ensign Vorik's lust, clearly in the end Lieutenant Paris became the object of desire for both, and Lieutenant Torres won him in a fair fight (or not so fair--what do we care?!). One can be sure Lieutenant Paris didn't object either!  
  
This fair-minded reporter made a sincere effort to allow the primary participants to set the record straight and deny these obvious conclusions, if they could. Lieutenant Paris refused to comment (though he laughed, no doubt in a fruitless effort to throw off suspicion), Commander Torres threatened bodily injury (this seasoned reporter is used to such intimidation), and Ensign Vorik also declined to comment.  
  
There you have it. Clearly, the parties refused to comment because the facts could not be denied. And now you know the entire true story of the "greatest romance in the Delta Quadrant." Lieutenant Torres won Lieutenant Paris in a fight, and though their relationship was alternately testy, it's clear she never intended to let her prize go!  
  
That's the uncovered truth for this month.  
  
Next month in Uncovered..."EPIDEMIC!" Could the Vulcan Pon Farr spread throughout the Alpha quadrant, infecting billions with the compelling urge to mate now...and would this really be a bad thing? Join this enterprising reporter next month and find out!  
  
_Jules Aveenez is an award-winning reporter for the Risian Ribald. He has won the ASC (Alternative Scribes of Choice) Reporters Award for his expose on Berengaria's dragon adoption industry called "Can a Dragon Cry Real Tears?"  
as well as second place in the Romantic Liaisons Festival for his undercover report on secret Betazoid mating rituals. He travels extensively, wandering fearlessly into war zones, unfriendly empires, and hostile territory to uncover the truth. He also proudly holds the record for the most revoked visas in the Federation, including the Rigel Colonies, Berengaria VII, Betazed...and Vulcan.  
_

* * *

"Contagious? Pon Farr is contagious?" Blont said. Nunk stifled a groan. He could just imagine the direction his brother's mind was heading.  
  
"We can't. We're in here."  
  
"Maybe not," Blont said with a smile. "I have friends. The ultimate aphrodisiac. Everyone will want to buy. We'll be rich..."  
  
Nunk rolled his eyes. "Let me read the next one." He hoped that this might distract his brother from anymore scheming. A quick glance told him it would only worsen the matter. He read this one to himself. He then scanned the rest of the PADD hoping their mom had sent him other such ads. Blont didn't notice the extended silence.

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* * *

Nunk moved quickly to the next article. This one sounded particularly unpleasant, in a pleasant sort of way. 

> **Delta Quadrant Exclusive:**
> 
> **Pleasure Palace or House of Horrors?**  
by Nado Tathet  
  
Taresia. The very name sounds like it should evokes pleasure. And an initial description could equate this planet of beautiful babes to Risa.  
  
With the recent confirmation of the Delta Quadrant Exploratory Fleet, could Taresia become the Risa of the Delta Quadrant? U.S.S Voyager's only encounter with the women of Taresia is a titillating tale of tempting treats: the male fantasy come true.  
  
On the surface that is just what it sounds like--the lucky man gets his choice of sexual partners (yes, plural) and promises of pleasure and delight. But, before every male enlists in Starfleet, this is a cautionary tale. The old adage, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, definitely is true in this case.  
  
The Taresian women are the Courting Widow Tresk of the Delta Quadrant. They entice the male of the species to their lair and eat them in a peculiar process of mating, the male's DNA is collected in a pouch off the digestive tract.  

> 
> The Taresian women strip the DNA out of their mates, leaving behind a rotting corpse.  
  
But the story gets worse. They are also brilliant scientists who have genetically engineered a virus to incorporate Taresian DNA into a male host. They have the capability to turn any humanoid male into a potential mate.  
  
A kind of *love bug* that found its way onto Voyager. Poor Ensign Harry Kim (now Lieutenant, j.g.), perhaps the unluckiest man in love, thought it was Paradise. Having been infected with this modified virus, he became the Taresian's willing plaything...Just barely escaping with his life, after he discovered just what the hedonistic pleasures his Taresian brides had planned for him. Lucky man if maybe a little wiser.  
  
When asked about the encounter, the only one who would talk about the subject was Voyager's enigmatic Emergency Medical Hologram, Dr. Mark Zimmerman. He went on to explain in great detail the nature of the manufactured virus--and promised that his tenth article on Delta Quadrant medicine to be published in the prestigious Federation Journal of Medicine would be about the Taresians. Lieutenant Harry Kim refused to talk about the incident.

* * *

"That's creepy. Females..." Blont grinned lasciviously. "I bet they do great oo-mox though."  
  
"I don't like how they do it," Nunk retorted.  
  
"Whatever. Are there any Vulcans here?"  
  
"Vulcans don't get thrown in jail," Nunk replied.  
  
"Maybe someone on the staff. Find out," Blont ordered. "Continue reading."

* * *

> **Special Report: ****Murder in the Delta Quadrant?**
> 
> by Amalia X. Perabody  
the Ribald's Prize-Winning Ace Investigative Reporter  
  
Relatives of the lost crew of the science vessel "Equinox," destroyed by Delta Quadrant aliens who attacked and almost wiped out Voyager, wonder why Captain Janeway and her crew were unable to save more of the science vessel's crew when the smaller vessel crossed their path over four years ago.  
  
Alvin Burke wants to know what really happened to his brother, Lt. Commander Maxwell Burke, who lost his life on the Equinox. "Why is Starfleet covering up the facts? We know more of the crew had survived up to that point, including my brother, but Janeway, her crew, and even the five rescued from the Equinox are all keeping quiet. What are they hiding?"  
  
Attempts by this reporter to speak to the former crew members of the Equinox were rebuffed. Noah Lessing and Angelo Tessoni refused to be interviewed. Only after a long search was one Equinox crewman located, in Proxima Prison in the Alpha Centauri system, in the midst of serving 29 days on drunk and disorderly charges. James Morrow refused to comment about the circumstances of his conviction on Alpha Centauri.  
  
Most disturbing of all, Crewmen Brian Sofin and Marla Gilmore have not only left Starfleet, they also have disappeared without a trace.  
  
The five former crew members of the Equinox all received General Discharges. While not the same as a dishonorable discharge, our legal expert Davis Heron notes that a General Discharge is "less than honorable." Since Morrow refused to explain what the reasons and terms of his discharge were, even to Alpha Centauri court officials, Heron suggests that his silence, as well as that of the other members of the crew, may have been bought by threats of prosecution if the terms of their departure from Starfleet become known.  
  
Persistent, although unsubstantiated rumors have circulated for over a year now that a murder was committed on the Equinox. Whether this was before or after that ship's fateful meeting with Voyager has not been clarified.  
  
The silence about what really happened to the Equinox--and to the missing crew members--can only lead to unhealthy speculation about why the rest of the Equinox crew was apparently abandoned by Captain Janeway. Even if Starfleet's fair-haired girl Kathryn Janeway's reputation might be tarnished by the truth's being told, the public has a right to know the complete story of how each member of the lost crew met his or her fate.  
  
"I know I'll never see my husband again," laments Sylvia Ransom, widow of the Equinox's well-regarded Captain Rudolph Ransom, who was lost with his ship. "If only I could learn the full story of what happened to him, I'm sure it would ease my mind."

* * *

"Most curious," Nunk said when he finished. "That Ensign Gilmore had such lovely fingers."  
  
Blont shook his head. "Brother, you need to think about how we're going to turn a profit in here."  
  
"I'd rather think about the luscious B'Elanna...or that Borg, Seven. Yum, her attributes...  
  
"Nunk! Read."

* * *

> **Talk of the Quadrant**  
by WinChel Hedlou  
exclusive to the Risian Ribald  
  
Your Humble Correspondent has spent the last few weeks on the lovely planet Earth, reveling in the natural beauties and scenic wonders (most of whom are found trolling the tropical beaches) and catching up on all the latest dish from the heart of the Federation. And believe you me, there is enough dish for a banquet! Yes, indeed, tongues are wagging about the crew of the USS Voyager and their amorous adventures in the other side of the galaxy.  
  
For all the dangers the Delta Quadrant offered, it appears that the isolation and peril provided a jump start to the libido of the stalwart Starfleeters, mysterious Maquis and assorted aliens they met along the way. Mum was the word while the ship was still far from home, but now that they are safely back, the sizzling details are proving too hot to keep under wraps any longer!  
  
And for Dessert... Rumor has it that the ship's cook was serving up more than just meals in the mess hall. The way Your Humble Correspondent heard the story, the inventive chef kept not one, but two feminine companions smiling in the kitchen during the eight year journey. Ah, but don't jump to that conclusion yet--apparently the happy helpers were sequential, not concurrent. (It was a very small kitchen!) The story goes that first one was an elfin beauty who, alas, did not survive the perilous trip. The second is a coy ex-drone who caught the grieving gastronomic guru on the rebound. No wonder Voyager's crew talks about the spicy food on the ship!  
  
Location, Location, Location... Those close to the Voyager crew are quietly speculating about a certain couple whose passionate play made deck nine, section twelve THE place for romance on Voyager. There are those who wonder (privately, of course) whether the couple can maintain the same intensity of ardent amore away from the indulgent confines of Voyager. Is this a flame doomed to burn itself out, or the Real Deal? Your Humble Correspondent will continue to follow this story.  
  
Talk About Sophisticated Programming... When it was spring on Voyager, even holograms lightly turned to thoughts of love. Intimate idylls abounded in a certain re-creation of an Irish village, but the ruler of romance among the photonic set was a certain healer who reportedly dispensed more than just medical care! Among his alleged conquests are a physician, a mathematician, an opera diva, a soldier and a professor--each from different Delta Quadrant worlds. Now, that's what Your Humble Correspondent calls taking care of what ails you!  
  
Puppy Love... When love was in the air, not even the youngsters on Voyager proved immune. The adults looked on as the two teens on board--a Ktarian cutie and another ex-drone--discovered the agonies and ecstasies of Young Love. Word has it that cooler heads intervened before things progressed much beyond tender feelings, before the young ones could find out if it was True Love or merely propinquity. Now that they are both on Earth again, we look forward to future reports.  
  
Don't Play Poker With... If the old adage "Lucky at cards, unlucky at love" is true, then you don't want to play poker with a certain former Ops officer. He hasn't found Miss Right yet, but it's not for lack of trying! Deep in the Delta Quadrant, he pursued a hologram, a life-sucking alien, the wrong twin, an ex-Borg, not just one but two terrorists, and last but not least, a suspected murderess. Rumors are rampant that the last heartless hussy left him practically at the altar. Hope may spring eternal, but word is that the poor man is now disillusioned to the point of foreswearing any more affaires du coeur. Your Humble Correspondent finds this too sad to contemplate. Surely, ladies, one of you can restore this gallant guy's faith in the power of the heart?  
  
Love Conquers All?... If Cupid has an arch enemy, it must be the spectre of the evil Career Conflict. Those in the know are beginning to wonder if the relationship of a certain former starship captain and her former first officer is running aground on the shoals of competing priorities. The passionate pugilist is said to be on track for a very different career path than his ambitious lady love. Or perhaps it's simply that his affinity for blondes has resurfaced? Your Humble Correspondent will keep eyes fixed on San Francisco in coming months to see if Love triumphs or is K-O'ed in the final round.  
  
That's all for now, friends and lovers. Your Humble Correspondent will be back next month so you can hear the Talk of the Quadrant.

* * *

Nunk reread that article to himself. Blont had closed his eyes and was deep in thought. Nunk hated that look. He started to read the next article. "Hey, it's about us!"  
  
Blont stood quickly. "Give me that." Nunk relinquished the PADD. Someone knew their story. Maybe, Moogie could get them out of here.

* * *

> **Risian Ribald Exclusive:**** Misplaced Alliances**  
Tirmo Bresnel  
  
  
Six months ago, when I was approached by representatives from the Ferengi government to investigate the apparent illegal arrest and incarceration of two Ferengi businessmen, Blont and Nunk. It took months to actually find the trial record. It had been heavily edited, but imagine my surprise to learn two interesting facts.  
  
1\. Their accomplices were apparently Romulan Pirates.  
  
2\. Their target was Voyager.  
  
An interesting target--and apparently one these two had tried to nab before. The information on the first attempt on Voyager are very sketchy. These two seem to have exposed some serious lapses in Starfleet intelligence and security--so it's no wonder anyone in Starfleet is willing to talk. The last attempt was very brazen and public. Witnesses at Deep Space Nine were more than willing to discuss what they saw, especially the furious Ferengi Bartender Quark. "Those two give Ferengi businessmen a bad name."  
  
I informed the representative, who was not pleased with my results. The Ferengi government is still convinced that Starfleet is holding the brothers illegally.  
  
I then tried to find out more about these Romulan pirates. The new Romulan ambassador to the Federation, Ambassador Ralurm, was most unhappy at my insistence, but eventually she did say that the pirates had been dealt with. In true Romulan style, she refused to reveal their identity, implying that these pirates probably had some high-level help and were probably in no shape to talk to anyone. Never the less, I was denied entry into Romulan space.  
  
Prison authorities denied me permission to interview Blont and Nunk, so I tried speaking to relatives. Their mother was most cooperative, but did not know why her "dear sons" were in prison.  
  
I get the usual platitudes from the many officials I contacted, like "The Romulan government stands behind our alliance with the Federation."  
  
But do they? After years of open hostility, just why did the Romulans suddenly agree to ally themselves with the Federation? Was the government truly involved? What do the Romulans hope to gain from this alliance?  
  
(To be continued in next week's Risian Ribald)

* * *

  
"Well?" Nunk asked when his brother finished. "What happens next?"  
  
There were several seconds of silence, then Blont grunted. "Females! Moogie didn't send the continuation. I hadn't heard anyone wanted to interview us. I'll have to speak to the warden." He handed the PADD back to Nunk. "You need to go clean latrines, or whatever you do. I'm going to think for a while."  
  
Nunk placed the PADD on the table. He signaled the guard to let him out. As the heavy door opened, Blont said, very quietly. "And don't forget about the Vulcans."


	2. More Purple Prose from "The Risian Ribald"!!!!!

  
Nunk sat down, pleased that his two hour laundry detail was finished. Well, not pleased. It meant he had to return to his cell...and Blont. Maybe he could volunteer somewhere else. As he stood, his foot kicked something. He looked down, surprised to see a PADD. He'd take it to the guard. Perhaps the owner was looking for it. He turned it on, to see if the owner's name was there.  
  
"The Terran Inquirer." He continued to read, then sighed as he started reading the third article. "She had such lovely fingers...And those nanoprobes."

* * *

> **Terran Inquirer: ****Missing Person  
**** WHERE IS ANNIKA HANSEN?** **  
**By Geraldo French  
  
  
One year after the Starship Voyager returned, no satisfactory answer has yet been given for the whereabouts of Federation citizen (and civilian) Annika Hansen, daughter of renowned scientists and space pioneers Drs. Magnus and Erin Hansen. Annika was abducted from her parents' ship (the Blackbird) and assimilated by the Borg in 2354, on the eve of her seventh birthday. Her parents were presumed killed or assimilated at the same time. Little Annika grew up among the soulless drones of the Collective until her liberation by Captain Janeway in early 2374.  
  
For all the difficulties involved in rescuing and deprogramming her (rumor has it that Annika, known as 'Seven of Nine, tertiary adjunct to Unimatrix One', was the only survivor of an entire Borg cube--destroyed by a mysterious enemy or possibly Voyager itself), Annika more than repaid her benefactors with her expertise and knowledge gained from the Borg Collective. Captain Janeway's own logs point to several incidents where it is doubtful the ship would have survived were it not for Annika's unique talents. Indeed, the leggy blonde proved herself to be a true 'Renaissance Woman', excelling in every area she was put to work, from charting Voyager's course through perilous regions of space to working miracles in Engineering to creating culinary masterpieces in the galley and even finding time to raise and be a role model to the children of Voyager, including a young man who had also been recovered from the Borg.  
  
Which brings us full circle to our original question: Where is Annika Hansen today? The other former victims of the Borg, Sarexa, wife of the Talaxian ambassador, and Icheb Paris, adopted son of Admiral Owen Paris, head of the Pathfinder Project, both returned to Earth with Voyager. But Annika Hansen disappeared somewhere around the time of Voyager's final and most climactic encounter with the Borg Collective more than a year earlier. The various official explanations given range from Annika voluntarily leaving the ship to rejoin the Borg on one of their colony worlds to her having died in battle in order to save the crew, as she had many times before. Confirmation of any of these possibilities is hard to come by, due to Starfleet's reluctance to shed light on the matter under the guise of the Personal Privacy Act of 2369, allegedly invoked by Mrs. Irene Hansen, Annika's aunt and sole surviving relative on her father's side. Mrs. Hansen refused to be interviewed for this article, and her spokesmen will only say that she had no knowledge of the fact her niece would not be returning to Earth until Voyager entered Federation space. Court records indicate that the Privacy Act was invoked within days of Voyager's appearance at Station Deep Space Nine, shortly after Mrs. Hansen received an encrypted message from one of Voyager's senior officers, Lieutenant Harry Kim.  
  
But one possibility remains unexplored--that Annika did not leave Voyager voluntarily and this is the reason for the resounding silence from official quarters on this subject. All sources agree that, among her own kind for the first time in nearly two decades, Annika found a home on Voyager, a surrogate mother in Captain Janeway, and many close friends. There were even rumors of various romantic attachments, unsurprising for the young woman who inherited her mother's Nordic beauty. Why would a young woman in this position give it all up with little or no warning? What obstacles prevented Annika from returning to the planet of her birth? And why would anyone liberated from the Borg choose to return to them voluntarily?  
  
Our sources dug deeper and found that not everyone on board Voyager considered Annika an asset, that many, such as First Officer Chakotay (himself a former Maquis rebel) was openly outspoken over the initial recovery of Annika from the Borg as "presenting too great a risk." Commander Chakotay displayed a great deal of anti-Borg hostility and prejudice at various points of the journey, repeatedly warning the captain not to attempt any further contact with the Borg and he was not alone in these sentiments. On more than one occasion Annika's loyalties were under suspicion. An anonymous source states that after she rejected his advances, Lieutenant Harry Kim (the bearer of the mysterious letter to Annika's aunt) claimed that Annika attacked him in an attempt to rejoin the Collective and deliver Voyager over to them.  
  
Due to these scurrilous and unfounded accusations, it is no wonder Annika felt her position was untenable, and would become increasingly more so as Voyager journeyed ever closer to Earth. After all, she had no formal affiliations to shield her from such unpleasantness--not being the spouse of an accredited diplomat or the soon-to-be-adopted son of one of Starfleet's most prominent admirals.  
  
Other things might have contributed to Annika's unease, such as the professional jealousy and envy of her peers. Voyager's chief engineer B'Elanna Torres-Paris (another member of the powerful Paris clan) filed several reports complaining of Annika's 'interference' in Engineering matters at various points along the journey. We have to ask--was it interference, or correcting the chief engineer's own bungling? Lieutenant Torres-Paris had the reputation of being the 'miracle worker' on board Voyager--but how much of that title rightfully belonged to her as opposed to Annika Hansen? We all know what happened to Voyager's transwarp drive--developed *after* Annika was no longer on board. The much-hailed slipstream drive, the instrument of Voyager's return, was actually developed by one of Torres' subordinates. Who knows what other credit the chief engineer appropriated from the "lowly former drone"?  
  
Wouldn't Captain Janeway have stepped in to defend her protégée? Quite possibly, except when one considers that the captain herself had many close ties to Admiral Paris, having served under his command. Janeway already showed her loyalty at the beginning of Voyager's mission by stepping in to obtain Admiral Paris's son's early release from prison by having him appointed a member of her crew. In a choice between her own career advancement, and that of the reputation and well-being of Annika Hansen, what would a pragmatic officer do? It is well known that Captain Janeway did not try to prevent Annika from leaving the ship, nor has she made any discernible effort to maintain communication with her afterwards.  
  
Another piece of information, recently uncovered by our investigative team, is that Captain Janeway may have had a motive to get rid of Annika beyond fear of the influential Paris family. As previously stated in this report, Annika Hansen had several romantic liaisons with members of the Voyager crew, including the Head of Ops, Lieutenant Harry Kim, and the Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Mark Lewis Zimmerman. First Officer Chakotay, who to all appearances cemented his own position on board Voyager by his romantic involvement with the captain (see related article: A New Eden--Janeway and Chakotay's Idyllic Love Nest in the Delta Quadrant), was known to have a roving eye and a weakness for blondes. It is not outside the realm of possibility that he was attracted to this young woman and Captain Janeway manipulated events to remove her younger rival without drawing any attention. The chaos of the battles of the Borg Civil War would have provided the ideal opportunity for such a move on the captain's part.  
  
Where is Annika Hansen today? Is she even alive? Can a Federation citizen be unceremoniously dumped off in a hostile region of space, in an alien colony, without cause or even due process? Inquiring minds want to know!

* * *

Nunk quickly looked through the index, hoping that perhaps the story about New Eden would be there. He heard the door open and quickly turned the PADD off. A frustrated looking human entered.  
  
"Did you find a PADD?" the human asked.  
  
Nunk handed it to him. "Is this it? I found it on the floor."  
  
"Thank you." The human jogged out of the room before Nunk thought of asking for a reward.  
  
"Oh well," Nunk sighed. He just wouldn't tell his brother.

* * *

> **Delta Quadrant Special Report:**  
**Stellar Chicanery or Starry-eyed Captain?**  
by E.T. Maryhart  
  
A trustworthy Starfleet source informed this reporter of a possible deletion or erasure from Captain Kathryn Janeway's supplemental logs during the USS Voyager's tenure in the Delta Quadrant. The 'blurps', which have not been completely identified as either intentional tampering or electromagnetic interferences in the recorded information, occur several times during the documentation of a ten-day period of the fifth year of their trip.  
  
This reporter interviewed several of the Voyager crew regarding Captain Janeway's unusual behavior in regards to an incident during this period, when a supposedly defecting Devoran inspector, named Kashyk, sought asylum aboard Voyager. Only with a promise guaranteeing them anonymity did any of them offer to speak.  
  
One female officer provided an interesting physical description of Kashyk. "He was tall--two meters plus in height. His stature, of solid and muscular build, was demanding ... almost regal. His hair was short but longer than Starfleet's defined official length. It was inky black and wavy, with a wayward lock that frequently fell onto his forehead. His eyes were as dark as his hair, full and round--and quite mesmerizing. Add to all of this a sonorous voice that demanded your attention, and you had an alien male who, although treacherous and loathsome, drew aroused glances and stares from most of the women aboard Voyager." This dangerous attraction apparently included that of their captain.  
  
The officer continued in noting that Captain Janeway's behavior took on some interesting changes during Kashyk's 'sanctuary' stay aboard Voyager. She stated that the captain appeared more relaxed and happy than she had been in many months. This officer even used the word 'glowed' in describing her commanding officer. "She walked with a quicker step, smiled more than any of us had remembered in quite a while. Her eyes seemed brighter--almost as if she knew she had a secret that none of us knew about. And--I'm almost certain that there was something--going on." This reporter is certain that the officer winked conspiratorially as she concluded with this remark.  
  
Another crewman, who frequently acted as a guard during Kashyk's residence, stated that Captain Janeway made several visits to the man's quarters. On three of the latter visits, she dismissed the guards before entering. She also relieved security personnel of duty for a lengthy after-hours meeting of only herself and the Devoran in a deserted mess hall. While Janeway's logs do indicate that these meetings occurred, they do not report details, stating only that they were 'strategy sessions'. There is no mention of the fact that she relieved the guards of their posts.  
  
Most puzzling of all is a record of conversation at the time of Kashyk's departure from Voyager. He volunteered to return to his Devore comrades, to try gain Voyager's safe passage. When the scheduled time for his exit came, Captain Janeway dismissed all security and she alone escorted him to the shuttle bay, engaging locks on all entries to the area for the duration of her stay. When security reviewed recordings of Kashyk's final moments aboard Voyager, the databases were devoid of all audio or visual information as to events that transpired within the shuttle bay prior to his departure. Captain Janeway suggested that possible radiation that may have entered Voyager during Kashyk's departure, hampering recorded documentation. However, engineering logs do not verify any radiation leakage.  
  
The incident with Kashyk concluded with his return to Voyager, now back in his former position and knowledgeable about the concealment of the Vulcans and Brenari. He demanded Voyager's immediate surrender and relinquishment of all telepaths. However, the original thoughts of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, that his defection was indeed a piece of infiltrating duplicity, proved to be correct. Their original plan to thwart his turncoat actions succeeded--the Brenari, safely aboard two Starfleet shuttlecraft, escaped from Devore territory via a wormhole. Denied their anticipated victory and without their quarry, Kashyk and his cohorts returned to their vessel and departed. Voyager proceeded through the remaining Devore territory without further incident...or inspection.  
  
Additional interviews with Voyager personnel indicate that following this episode, even though it was a great success for the Starfleet vessel, Captain Janeway isolated herself from staff and crew whenever she wasn't on duty. Although she remained professional in her actions and outward demeanor, for several weeks she chose to remain alone in her quarters during her off hours, even taking her meals in solitude. Her prior cheerfulness and hyper-energy disappeared and her expressions frequently seemed vacuous and despondent. The EMH notes in his logs that she lost 3.6 kilograms of weight during the succeeding six weeks, even though her replicator logs showed many orders for Sumatran-hazelnut coffee with frequent side orders of caramel brownies. A search of her entertainment database usage during this period of self-imposed seclusion indicates that Captain Janeway listened almost exclusively to symphonies by Tchaikovsky and Mahler.  
  
When Captain Janeway was contacted and quizzed regarding these events, she responded coldly, "No comment".  
  
It is the studied opinion of this reporter, given the types of responses regarding the behavior of Captain Janeway during this particular incident, that there is indeed much more to this story. We shall keep you posted regarding any additional information we uncover.

* * *

  
Blont leaned back and closed his eyes. Nunk hoped he was finally falling asleep. Nunk let his thoughts turn to leather.  
  
"Nunk! We have plans to make. You can sleep later."  
  
Nunk opened his eyes with a sigh. "I wasn't sleeping. Really. But, think of the bewitching B'Elanna in leather. Or for that matter, the seductive Seven, the delightful Delaney's..."  
  
Blont grimaced. "I told you to stay away from Pov. If he was so good getting females, what is he doing in here?"  
  
"An honest accounting mistake," Nunk retorted. "He says females like poetry."  
  
"On your time...which belongs to me, so no more poetry. Did you find us a Vulcan?"  
  
Nunk sighed again. He'd really hoped Blont had forgotten about this Pon Farr stuff. It would be a long night.

* * *

  
Nunk yawned three times as he sat down at the empty table. He liked eating in the back, where no one would bother him. Blont had sat at the first table. Nunk dreaded to think about what schemes his brother was concocting. He glanced at the PADD.

> #  **Ask Astral Andy**
> 
> _Ask Astral Andy is a regular feature of the Risian Ribald. All views, statements and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policies of the Ribald or its sponsors_ _._
> 
> Dear Andy:  
  
I have fallen deeply in love with a Bolian woman, and she with me, and although we know of the dangers inherent in such a relationship, we would like to pursue it. I have read up on and studied Bolian traditions and am more than willing to adapt to her way of life, except in one key matter. As you probably know, Bolian marriages can include more than one spouse--co-husbands as well as co-wives are not uncommon. But I am unwilling to share my love with another. Can you help me?  
  
Signed:  
  
Blue Daze  
  
**_Dear Blue:_****_  
  
_****_I assume you are bald?_****_  
  
_****_As you are obviously discovering, interspecies relationships are tricky things. Have the two of you discussed your concerns? Perhaps she is just as worried about being in a union with only one significant other. There are very few recorded Bolian/Human marriages, but those that have thrived have done so only after the parties involved have undergone extensive counseling. The two of you must come to some agreement about this issue before you make any long-term commitment. I suggest you enquire as to the availability of interspecies support groups in your sector. Good luck to both of you._**  
  
  
Dear Andy:  
  
My new boss recently returned from an extremely long out of quadrant mission and is obviously not used to doing things the way most people in our organization do them. I'm at a loss as to how to handle this. There are certain protocols and procedures that really should be followed, and by ignoring them he is alienating a lot of people. I have tried to explain departmental methods to him several times, and have offered him all our office pamphlets and instruction manuals but it seems to have had no effect whatsoever. In fact, he just waves me away and says he knows what he's doing.  
  
Although our department's productivity has increased, and all our projects are on schedule, several people in other branches of my organization have already started commenting on his unorthodox methods. In fact last week at lunch, several of my friends made mention of the fact that I'd better look out or people would think I actually condoned this individual's flaunting disregard for policy.  
  
Initially I was very excited when I was assigned to this person, but now I'm not so sure, as I think his actions will reflect on me and might affect my career and my chances for future advancement in my organization.  
  
Signed:  
  
Looking to the Future  
  
  
**_Dear Looking:_****_  
  
_****_Imagine that. Someone who does things a little bit differently, and yet produces the required results in a timely manner. It sounds as if your boss has both character and ingenuity, and you might do well to follow his example. Starfleet (and from the sound of your letter, you must be Starfleet) could use a few more people like him._****_  
_**  
  
Dear Andy:  
  
My fiancé has accepted a two-year posting on an interplanetary mission in the Beta Quadrant. We have been together for more than five years, and engaged for three, and he assures me he will be faithful. I have done some reading about the planet where he will be stationed and although I understand there are a lot of potential 'temptations' out there, not to mention alien diseases, and the like, I trust him implicitly. But my mother keeps telling me that I should insist on accompanying him as two years is a long time, and that she's seen pictures of those alien women and they could be trouble. I don't want to him to think I don't trust him, but I admit it would be nice to go with him. What do you think?  
  
Signed:   
Unsure  
  
  
**_Dear Unsure:_****_  
  
_****_Listen to your mother._****_  
  
_**  
_Note: Astral Andy is a Mark 3, AK-4 Medical Hologram, developed and programmed at the Jupiter Station Programming Center. His systems contain data from 4674 cultures and 92 specific psychologists and psychiatrists. His database is updated on a regular basis._

* * *

  
Nunk finished his gruel without a single slurp. Perhaps he should write this Astral Andy.  
  
_Dear Astral Andy,_ he thought.  
  
_My brother is considered by the family to have the 'lobes for business,' while I do not. His schemes keep getting us in trouble..._  
  
Nah, he decided. He wouldn't write.  
  
"Perhaps you should," a voice said. He looked up. He didn't recognize the Betazed female who spoke to him. "Why do you let him boss you around?"  
  
"He's my brother. I don't have the lobes for business." She had luscious fingers. "Who are you?"  
  
"Relena," she said. "You must be Nunk. The warden said you were the sensible one. I'm the new counselor."  
  
Nunk stared at her, the fingers forgotten. Sensible? He wasn't sure if he should be insulted or not.  
  
"Take my advice, don't let your brother get you involved with any of his schemes." She took the PADD and shook her head. "The Risian Ribald." She handed it back. "I suggest you find something else to occupy your time. Perhaps you should schedule an appointment."  
  
"Oo-mox?" he whispered after she left. What an opportunity. To spend time with her alone in her office. He jumped when someone slapped him.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"Next time brother, don't start daydreaming. Noren has some friends who might be willing to help us."  
  
"Yes, brother." Nunk decided--no, he admitted, he'd decided soon after Blont had fixated on the Pon Farr virus idea--it was time to leave his brother.  
  
"Have you found anything else in that PADD to help our enterprise?"  
  
"No, brother," As Nunk answered, he placed the PADD in front of Blont. He managed to keep a straight face. He even knew what Blont's reaction to the open advertisement would be.  


* * *

Advertisement

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**

* * *

>   
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* * *

Nunk was not disappointed. Blont had left quickly for the communication center to contact potential sponsors to discuss how they could use this information to help fund research into developing a similar product. Once he was sure Blont was gone, Nunk picked up the PADD and walked over to the guard. "I'd like to make an appointment with the Warden."  
  
#  
  
Family loyalty only went so far, but Nunk hadn't told the Warden about Blont's newest scheme. He had made his request and now just had to wait to see if his transfer came through. He glanced at his brother lying in his bunk. Maybe Blont had finally fallen asleep.  
  
"You can't even read correctly," Blont snarled. "Keep going."

* * *

> **Special Report****: ****Is Voyager a Secret Weapon?**  
by: A. Aileen Quintorr  
  
It has come to this reporter's attention that the Federation Starship Voyager, supposedly lost for eight years in the Delta Quadrant, has come home chock full of technology, and some say, weaponry, never before seen on this side of the Galaxy.  
  
An unnamed source within Starfleet has hinted at modifications to the newly returned ship that are "incredible in their complexity". This same source (whose name is protected for fear of repercussion from his superiors) told me the military hardware on Voyager is "not to be believed".  
  
Today, another source revealed Voyager's technicians have also developed a new cloaking device--something Federation vessels have agreed not utilize under the terms of the Treaty of Algeron. This source suggested that Captain Janeway violated this dictum several times during the course of her mission. There was also a hint of possible biological weaponry. When confronted with this information today on the steps of Starfleet Headquarters, Admiral Norman Blanc issued a terse "no comment" before hurrying into the building.  
  
Starfleet has been exceedingly reluctant to release any detailed or specific information regarding Voyager and her crew. We know that there were several in camera hearings, and that a board of review spent many intensive weeks questioning Janeway and company. Although no charges were filed, the hearing was closed, and records were sealed. The ship has been dry-docked, and as yet, no reporters have been allowed on board, although there have been repeated requests to Starfleet for permission to tour her.

* * *

  
"All that lovely alien technology," Blont murmured. "We would have been rich."  
  
Nunk stood and turned the lights out.  
  
"We're not done!"  
  
"Yes we are. That was the last article." Nunk smiled. "Even Ferengi with brilliance and lobes like yours need their sleep." Blont chortled at the compliment (which Nunk didn't mean).  
  
Nunk was glad that he didn't have to explain to his brother why he was grinning. Blont had gone to a meeting of the executive board of his new corporation. Nunk had politely declined. The silence to enjoy his good news was wonderful.  
  
He picked up the PADD that had haunted him for a week to reread one section. The most important section...  
  
He just didn't know which one actually applied to him. He'd tried to find how Ferengi months corresponded to Risian months, but hadn't been able to find out.  
  
Not that it really mattered.

* * *

###  **Astrological Advice By Odra. T. Tar **

**   
**

  
The Laughing Monkey: You are a giving spirit and this aspect of your personality will be challenged by those from the Fountain Spout as your life will be affected by the crossing of the moons of Trestor. Be aware of pleasing those whose motives are not quite true.  
  
The Prancing Pronger: The color blue still tints your chart, while a tender romance is in the offing. Could it be with that Bolian who's been blushing with azure-hued bashfulness at your flirtatious looks, or could it be with the secret admirer who sent you Betazed sapphire blossoms with an unsigned card? An extended relationship may be just the thing to steady your capricious nature.  
  
The Fountain Spout: You will have some financial arranging to do before you can relax into the moods of your choice in this month. The full moon of Stensot will cross the 16th planet of Jor at a key time and will send you a message you might not wish to receive. Deal with it.  
  
The Dripping Dewmelon: An unfortunate business investment may leave you frustrated. Perhaps it's because your naivete, while often charming, allowed you to be duped into another Ferengi land deal. Or was it a Klingon consortium gagh farm? There is a snowy-tailed comet streaking through your configuration, which indicates a favorable week for travel. So never mind your losses, a few days at the water casinos on Risa west-sea will cure your ills!  
  
Altanor: You must balance passion and profit in order to arrive at your chosen destination. Beware of those who offer an easy way to both. They are driven by others who do not have your best interests at heart. The three planets of the Astern sector will dictate a positive outcome--if you allow it.  
  
The Three-legged Firelizard: A new friend enters your life, and the possibilities are endless. Could he or she become much more than a friend? Overcome your sense of vanity, and do not dismiss this potentially life-altering relationship based on outward appearance. Even Tellarites have mothers. Avoid Cardassians however, since gray is descending in your chart.  
  
The Twisted Bean Sprout: Acquired credits figure importantly in your schemes. Guard credits carefully, and bargain wisely. Do not allow your inclination for greed to influence you. A modest investment in Argelian saffron mines may be a good choice, since the color yellow is ascending in your chart this month.  
  
The Mating Treespiders: Another passionate encounter, this time with a partner even more sensually skillful than you, will leave you breathless, and satiated beyond your wildest imaginings. Now that the red in your chart has faded to a desert rose, your exhilarating tryst may be with an Andorian, or even a Vulcan. But do not try to hold onto what you cannot keep--this partner definitely has other commitments.  
  
The Knife-wielding Wifesmother: A close relative will again cause you grief. Whoever it is, your tendency to retreat may be to your peril. Rein in your shyness and offer the harmony stick first. If this does not work, then by all means show this relative the door to the grassroot cellar with your foot. The color green is bright in your chart, after all!  
  
Twins of Benevolence: You have finally discovered that following through with a task from beginning to end has its own rewards. Keep up the good work! Do not allow any carping to unroll your carpet. Especially avoid those of the sign of the Laughing Monkey. They will lead you astray and ruin the consistency of all your grand plans...  
  
_To learn more of your astrological future, listen to Odra. T. Tar weekly on the Risian Relay, or access her special data stream. A minimal charge will be applied. Must meet the legal age requirements to use._

* * *

  
Nunk jumped at the sound of the slamming door. "So, I hear you are being transferred. Don't worry," Blont said. "I have connections."  
  
Nunk didn't respond. Blont wouldn't...would he?  
  
"Ummm, that's okay. I don't want to cause any trouble."  
  
"Nonsense. I need you here. We start selling Ponfaria next month. Think of the latinum we'll be making. I can buy my way out of this place." Blont growled. "The Federation had no right to jail businessmen."  
  
"Ponfaria?" Nunk had missed this one.  
  
"If you'd come tonight, you'd know that Ponfaria is going to make us rich."  
  
"Pon Farr. I get it. But won't the Vulcans complain?"  
  
Blont laughed. "They won't get involved. At worst one might say 'no comment.' It's perfect. And there is so little information about Pon Farr out there that we can't get in trouble."  
  
Nunk glanced at the PADD. Two of the horoscopes leapt out. "An unfortunate business investment may leave you frustrated. Perhaps it's because your naiveté, while often charming, allowed you to be duped into another Ferengi land deal."  
  
That's how he'd been forced to work with Blont--after Blont had lost everything years ago in a land deal.  
  
"A close relative will again cause you grief. Whoever it is, your tendency to retreat may be to your peril. Rein in your shyness and stand up for yourself."  
  
Nunk took a deep breath. "Blont, I asked for the transfer. It was approved today. I want to go."  
  
Blont stared at him. The stunned look pleased Nunk. He'd finally been able to surprise his brother. "You what?"  
  
"I want to go. Not one of your plans has worked. I'm tired of it. The Warden says I'll be eligible for parole in a year. I don't want you to ruin it for me."  
  
_"Me_ ruin it for _you?"_ Blont continued to stare at him. "Be that way. But when the latinum starts rolling in, don't ask me for any. Business before family loyalties."  
  
"I agree." Nunk tossed the PADD onto Blont's bed. "You might want to read the Sign of the Dripping Dewmelon. It's been the story of all your schemes."  
  
Blont picked up the PADD. "How low can you stoop? Risian horoscopes? Such nonsense. 'The Sign of the Profitmongols is on the rise.' " Blont grinned. "The Ferengi Business Journal is in the library. I happened to see it. 'Well planned ventures are sure to succeed if started before the rise of the latinum star.' Our timing is perfect." He put the PADD down again.  
  
Nunk shook his head. He should have done this years ago. "I leave in an hour. I've written Moogie." He didn't have much. A few clothes and the credits earned working in the laundry. He smiled. Laundry was a lucrative business. He was always finding things in the machines afterwards. He had packed those things carefully. Not that he was worried about being caught--he was worried that Blont would find them.  
  
"And my cut?"  
  
Nunk turned around. "Your cut of what?"  
  
"My finder's fee. For finding you a job you can handle."  
  
Nunk frowned. Then pulled two credits out. "Here. And good-bye."  
  
He was out of the cell before Blont shouted that two credits was not the agreed upon amount.

* * *

  
Several months later Nunk read that the Federation Food and Drug Department had raided a factory for making illegal and dangerous drugs. He smiled. Ponfaria had not been the aphrodisiac Blont had dreamed of. Klingons and Bajorans in particular had developed severe rashes after using Ponfaria.

* * *

> **_Don't Miss a Thing!_**  
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****  
Articles  

> 
> Harmon Brando _aka Jamelia_  
Jules Aveenez _aka Julie_  
Nado Tathet _aka Christina_  
Amalia X Perabody _aka Jamelia_  
WinChel HedLou _aka Penny_  
Tirmo Bresnel _aka Christina_  
Geraldo French _aka Rocky_  
E.T. Maryhart _aka Delta Story_  
Astral Andy _aka CyberMum_  
A. Aileen Quintorr _aka CyberMum_  
Risian Staff photographer: _Delta Story_  
Odra. T. Tar _aka Cybermum, Julie, and Jamelia_
> 
> ****  
Advertisements  

> 
> Stud in a Box: _Christina and Jackee_  
Galaxigra: _Delta Story_

**Author's Note:**

> **Up Next:** For a decided change of mood, two more serious VVS7.5 Interludes:
> 
> **"Traditions" by Julie:** A former member of Voyager's crew revives old traditions to celebrate the holiday season on New Pojza, in The Shire. (original publication date: 12/23/2002)
> 
> **"Something to Remember" by Penny:** Naomi Wildman's visit to a museum reminds her of the sacrifices made by those who first dared to reach for the stars. (original publication date: 2/3/2003)


End file.
